WOW, MY ANUS HURTS.

I’m curious to know, my fellow taxpayers; does yours feel the same? Ever since October, the government has been sticking it to us all without lube; don’t you think?

First off we have this bailout plan, worth about $700 BILLION, not million, dollars. It’s complicated, but it can be summarized quite easily; its your standard pimp and ho relationship:

* in Supafly Pimp Voice*
All us taxpaying hoes have been workin the streets hard fo dat monayyyy. Giving Pimp Daddy Government his share every April 15th . But oh naw baby, Pimp Daddy Government’s cousin Balls-to-da-Walls Street was slackin on his pimpin and needed a lil bit of help from Pimp Daddy G. So Pimp Daddy would neva eva leave a fellow pimp in need; since Pimp Daddy G has been a constant follower of the International Pimp Creed- “Pimps up, Hoes down”; since 1776, baby.

Bush asked Congress for $700 billion dollars, he asked twice, first they said no, then said yes. Then Henry Paulson is in DC handing out money to banks, insurance firms, and other companies headed by millionaires now begging for taxpayer funds….and o yeh, there isn’t SHIT we can do about it. Enjoy.

So yesterday, you have the Heads of the BIG THREE, GM, Ford and Chrysler; the domestic auto industry in a nutshell; peas in a pod of bitchassness. They fly in on their commercial jets, then tell us how great their cars are and even though they have been ignoring advice to produce cheaper, more fuel-efficient cars for the last 25 years, they are on their knees literally, BEGGING for $25 billion from the bailout fund. Here’s a lil bit about the * quite comical* hearing yesterday from the Washington Post:



“With the impasse unbroken, Congress is on the verge of leaving the possible collapse of the domestic auto industry in the hands of the departing Bush administration. Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) yesterday urged Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. to use his vast authority over the rescue money to help the car companies on his own initiative.
"Paulson knows he has authority to take the money," Reid said. "He just doesn't want to do it."
White House officials retorted that congressional inaction would be to blame for any disruption of the auto industry over the holidays.


"If Congress leaves for a two-month vacation without having addressed this important issue, and especially if the Senate leaves without Senator Reid even allowing a vote on this [Republican] amendment, then the Congress will bear responsibility for anything that happens in the next couple of months during their long vacation," White House press secretary Dana Perino said yesterday.
Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) to rub it in. "I'm going to ask the three executives here to raise their hand if they flew here commercial," he said. All still at the witness table. "Second," he continued, "I'm going ask you to raise your hand if you're planning to sell your jet . . . and fly back commercial." More stillness. "Let the record show no hands went up," Sherman grandstanded.
Rep. Peter Roskam (R-Ill.), late in the hearing, reminded them again that "the symbolism of the private jet is difficult," and mischievously asked the witnesses whether, in another symbolic gesture, they would be willing to work for $1 a year, as Nardelli (CEO of Chrysler) has offered to do.
"I don't have a position on that today," demurred Wagoner (2007 total compensation: $15.7 million).
"I understand the intent, but I think where we are is okay," said Mulally ($21.7 million).
"I'm asking about you," Roskam pressed.
"I think I'm okay where I am," Mulally said.
And don't even think about asking him to fly commercial. “

I have mixed feelings about the bailout for the Big3. Of course if they were to go out of business, millions of jobs would be lost, but BANKRUPT does not equal OUT OF BUSINESS. I’ll start with how they got into this poopy mess; which they pretty much can do the polar OPPOSITE of their mistakes over the past 25 years to get OUT of this mess.


Mistake #1
Everyone knows the 1990s were much like the Roaring 1920s, prosperity everywhere. Soccer moms buying vans and gas guzzling SUV's to drive their kids around the suburbs. Everyone else with credit cards buying up a bajillion cars. Meanwhile our carbon footprint was getting as big as Shaq's and everyone acted like everything was kool. We're almost out of the first decade of the new millenium and they are still resisting producing energy efficient, inexpensive cars.

Mistake #2
The Big3 are legendary and have had generations of people work for them. Which means all those Baby Boomers who rose to middle class thru the 60s n 70s are gettin paid out the ass with retirement benefits n healthcare. Which is why GM pays their workers (including benefits) an average of $75 an hour, while Toyota pays their workers (IN THE USA) $48. Couple that with dwindling sales and what do you have?..3 old ass dudes begging on Capitol Hill.

Mistake #3

Oh the evils of corporate excess. Son, you cant roll up next to me in a Benz then ask me for a dollar. Much like you cant roll up on 3 private jets to DC then ask for a loan. DAYUM. They got some nigga tendencies!

They say if it aint broke, dont fix it. WELLLLL the shyte is more broke down than my 1993 Dodge Dynasty, but u dont see me puttin rims on that joint, do you?!?!? File bankruptcy, get chapter 11 protection. Yeh, the creditors wont get paid...right now at least. Bankruptcy will allow you to restructure your contracts, reevaluate your business model....overall GET YO SHYTE TOGETHER PIMPIN...makes me wanna slap these hoes with some baby powder or sumthin...SHEESH !